The Angry Whopper is not angry, it is misunderstood

As promised on my Facebook page, I went to BK for lunch and tried the new Angry Whopper. My conclusion is in the headline. This is not an angry hamburger. Far from it, this hamburger, like many so-called angry people – your John McCains and your Terrell Owenses and your Keith Olbermanns – is simply misunderstood.

The Angry Whopper is actually a Sweet Whopper. There is nothing angry about its taste. It is built like an actual Whopper, which to me has no taste compared to In-N-Out or even Wendy’s, but there are actual noticeable flavors in the Angry Whopper, which puts it head and shoulders above its Calm Whopper cousin. (I accuse the Angry Whopper of hiding its dainty tasty side beneath a facade of flaming posters and aggressive language. It is time to come out of the wrapper, Angry Whopper.)

How did it taste? I know hot and spicy. I will put Tabasco on almost anything. The Angry Whopper is not hot. That said, there is a lot to like about the Angry Whopper.

When I stepped to the counter to order I told the nice lady behind the register, “I would like your Angry Whopper meal.” I actually said Angry Whopper in italics. I was excited. Her eyes lit up. She asked, “You really want to try it?” I said, “Yes.” She said, “Normally I don’t say anything, but this is a very good burger. I really like it. The spicy onions taste good with the jalapenos.” I said, “That sounds great.” Then she added, without any prompting, “Normally I say nothing about the burgers, but in this case…” And then she smiled as if the mere thought of the burger pleased her. When was the last time you saw a fast food employee fired up about a product?

It was the best Burger King burger I have ever had. I like things such as jalapeno and bacon slathered in BBQ sauce and spicy onion rings. I could not believe that lettuce and tomatoes were invited to the party, but they gave the burger a much-needed crispness. The lettuce was drenched in mayo. This is how a hamburger achieves a stunning 880-calorie count.

My conclusion: If you are not a fan of fast food burgers, there is nothing in the Angry Whopper that will convert you to the dark side. But if you enjoy frequenting fast food joints, and you don’t mind mild spice, it is a tasty burger worth trying.

I documented my lunch.

Above: This is the Angry Whopper exactly as it looked when it came out of the wrapper. Note how it appears to be sticking its tongue at me. Also note the 75 ketchups. I love ketchup.

Above: Me greeting the Angry Whopper with a smile, trying to defuse the situation before it erupted into a brouhaha that engulfed the entire restaurant in mayhem and panic.

Above: Hell yeah, I fucked your shit up, Angry Whopper.

Above: The Angry Whopper has made me angry. Just kidding. This was staged. But that is exactly what I look like when I get angry. Note how I have not shaved in a week. (Yes, I grow facial hair like an 11-year-old Swedish boy.) I have had this Michael Keaton from Mr. Mom thing going on lately. It’s pretty hot.

Above: These are the two old men who did not notice me repeatedly taking pictures of a sandwich. The one on the left salted every side of his burger before every bite. I had 9 and 1 dialed on the cell phone just in case.

Above: You are pretty festive looking and well-accessorized for a supposedly livid sandwich, Angry Whopper. Just saying.

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