Mini column: Fannie Mae, the ultimate cock-blocker


(Photo by juhansonin/Flickr)

The American economy is a shitty mess. To borrow comedian Kevin Ford’s patented joke-telling style, the American economy is such a mess, Nadya Suleman’s diaper hamper is like, “Wow, the American economy is a big, shitty mess.”
 
This is how bad things are. I have to rely on the stylings of America’s last vaudeville standup, (also a frequent guest on my podcast), to accurately describe the state of the country because the normal rules no longer apply.

All crises produce dire side effects. The war in Iraq drew militants from all over the Middle East. The Katrina disaster raised the price of gas throughout the country. The Real World: Brooklyn has a nation of men wondering if they ever accidentally made out with a post-op dude in a bar.

I fear our current economic crisis, and the continued loss of wealth in this country, are having dire side effects on the nation’s romantic life.

These are facts. Men are attracted to hot women. Women are attracted to men with money. Individual tastes vary, but those two preferences hold true in studies.

This is no reason to be cynical. Women have every right to desire a high quality of life for themselves and their offspring. Men, for their part, eventually tune their wives out, so they might as well have something nice to stare at while the wife is on mute. It is a win-win combination.

Here is the problem. If the economy is not growing, if wages are stagnating, if opportunities are few, how will women find the men who will give them the De Beers commercial lifestyle they desire?

When men are not making good money it throws the entire dating world off its axis.

This explains, among other things, why our fathers’ rules of gentlemanly courtship no longer apply.

LiveScience.com’s Jeanna Bryner writes that body language reveals a lot about wealth status. Psychologists Michael Kraus and Dacher Keltner of the University of California videotaped undergrads talking to each other for the first time. The researchers looked for gestures that indicated interest.

“They found that students whose parents were from higher socioeconomic status (SES) backgrounds engaged in more of what he called ‘impolite’ behaviors, such as grooming, doodling and fidgeting. Lower SES students showed more ‘I’m interested’ gestures, including laughter and raising of the eyebrows.

“Like a peacock’s tail, the seemingly snooty gestures of higher SES students indicates modern society’s version of ‘I’m fit,’ and ‘I don’t need you.’”

This explains the rise in pickup artistry such as The Mystery Method. Wages began stagnating in the 1970s. How do men compensate for lack of wealth? We project it. The Mystery Method basically teaches men to act like, “I don’t need you.” It teaches guys to act rich and discourages “I’m interested” poor guy gestures.

Bad government policies damage the economy. A damaged economy depresses wages. Depressed wages mean men have less of what women want – strong earning power. Perhaps the shitty economy explains the explosion of cocky men in feather boas

hitting on women in bars.

Share