Letter from podcast guest Phil Ranta

Phil Ranta

Hey Joe, Mike, Sean and Carlos,

Thanks again for having me on the show! I just wanted to let you know how my meatless ass ended up in the “Meatless for Darfur” charity.

Early in the month the meat eaters jumped off to an astounding lead, and what followed was an epic battle between good and evil (evil, of course, being the vegetarians). In the end, Unicef received around $500 and my vegetarian streak ended on the exact day that May ended. This means the carnivores donated twice as much money as the herbivores, finally proving that meat eaters are better people than vegetarians.

Some interesting stats:

– In your last podcast, Doug mentioned that Joel paid for me to stay vegetarian the day before I was supposed to be free (May 29). However, he was also the one that donated in favor of the meat eaters on my last day after I spent an hour acting like starving child from Myanmar, begging him for a small donation so my little sister could afford some cold medicine.

– My first meat meal was pulled pork made from meat that had been in my freezer since last 4th of July that Joel insisted was still edible. I had diarrhea for hours. Still not sure if it was from the weakness of my stomach or the oldness of the meat. But that old, rancid meat was the most delicious food I have ever tasted.

– In the last 5 days of eating meat, I have had fast food 4 times, 2 steak sandwiches, and five different animals (chicken, pig, cow, crab, shrimp…but no clams yet…Budweiser Clamato, anyone?). Every time I take a bite of meat, I hear a vegetarian cry.

And my vagina is healing up nicely.


Phil Ranta

P.S. If you ever want to do a podcast about the soft-core porn industry, I would love to be a guest.