I will fuck you up, Big Mac!


(Photo by Bien Stephenson

The Case of Unfaithful Klara movie full /Flickr)

Thanks to reader Kelly S. for alerting me to the Angry Whopper’s

Jurassic Park release

existence. (I stopped going to BK a few years ago, when I determined that I wanted to live past 35.) The Angry Whopper, and yes it is my goal to write Angry Whopper as many times as I can in this post, has Angry Sauce, jalapenos, pepper jack cheese and spicy onion rings. The Angry Sauce is my favorite part of the Angry Whopper. It is not just an upset sauce, or a cantankerous sauce, it is an angry sauce. Angry Sauce is all, “Why don’t girls like me? How come girls only go for mustard and mayo? I am one pissed-off sauce. You, jalapeno and you, spicy onion ring, come with me. Let’s go fuck some shit up, BK-style!”

I could have grabbed an American ad for the Angry Whopper, but anger is always funnier in German. Also, I love any ad that contain the words “und jalapenos.”

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Joe Donatelli
Joe Donatelli is a writer in Los Angeles
  • jordan

    Haha, I was just over there. The Angry Whopper was WAY too intimidating. Don’t know how to read much German, but I believe you have the option to substitute the drink and fries for a pack of cigarettes and a shot of jager. We opted for the more affable McDonald’s Big N’ Tasty.

  • Tom

    Angry Onions?

    Carrot: Hey, Onion! I just stole your girlfriend and smashed the windshield of you car!
    Onion: NOOO! You son of a bitch! I am going kill you and feed you to a horse!
    Burger King Farmer: Quick, son! Harvest that one over there before he has a chance to calm down!

    I personally prefer my onions a little upset, but not angry.

  • Phil

    At first I thought this was ridiculous, but after I finished reading the post I continued to think about how delicious taste I get in my mouth the adjective “angry.” It makes me think of something so greasy it makes your stomach sweat, so spicy it fries your tongue, and a dude-sized F-you portion of beef. First the German’s make the ShamWOW!, now they have the Angry Burger. They’re on a roll!

  • And in related news, Taco Bell has recently announced its “PMSing Pink Taco”.

    Rumors have it that the primary ingredients will be yeast extract and soy protein…

  • Joe Donatelli

    Tom, your post killed me. Thanks.

    Phil, no one likes a confident Germany. Let’s keep that talk to a minimum.

    Berto, why are you wasting your time in tech when you should clearly be the marketing chief of a fast food company? And I would hope it would be a desperate fast food company, in 7th or 8th place, like Arby’s or Rax, which would make your promotions all the more hilarious and plausible.

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