How the Cleveland Browns can still make the playoffs

My Cleveland Browns can still make the AFC playoffs if:

– The Tennessee Titans lose to the Indianapolis Colts on Sunday

The Browns will not make the playoffs if:

– The Browns beat the San Francisco 49ers and the Titans win or tie on Sunday

The Browns will most definitely make the playoffs if:

– Titans coach Jeff Fisher’s beard attains full consciousness and overtakes him in a battle supreme for control of the coach’s body

The Browns will not make the playoffs if:

– Quarterback Derek Anderson is shrunken to the size of a dust mite by some type of dark wizard

The Browns can still make the playoffs if:

– Titans cornerback Pacman Jones shoots the entire Titans linebacking corps at a strip club

The Browns will not make the playoffs if:

– Browns coach Romeo Crennel is dropped into the pit of Sarlacc in Tatooine’s Dune Sea

The Browns will assuredly make the playoffs if:

– The Browns receive points for how fucking bad-ass Jim Brown looks in his Angry Black Guy Hat

(Above: Angriest blackest hat ever)

The Browns will not make the playoffs if:

– The Indianapolis Colts rest Peyton Manning and start seldom-used backup quarterback Helen Hunt

(Above: What she lacks in quarterbacking skills she makes up for in appearing in sitcoms that are not watchable)

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