So, this exists: Bald Guyz Head Wipes.
What are Bald Guyz Head Wipes? They are head wipes for bald guys. (You’re welcome.)
Actual description from the Bald Guyz website: “An exclusive Swiss formula made with Green Tea extract, Head Wipes provide a cool feeling while our moisturizers and gentle cleansers wipe away dirt build up and the natural oil that secretes from the pores on the head. Head Wipes provide a clean and fresh feeling. Use Head Wipes anytime, anyplace. 16 individual wipes per box.”
Glad I found this. Now I can stop wiping my head with the sleeve of my shirt like an idiot.