A friend of mine has asked me to post my awkward arm solutions. Apparently a lot of people in Boston don’t know what to do about awkward arm. This is from something I wrote last year that was never published. Here you go, Beantown.
As any man who has slept next to a woman knows, women love to be spooned. It is their favorite thing, right after TV shows about brides. As is usually the case in relationships, the same thing that brings women pleasure brings men pain, in this instance in the form of awkward arm, a problem with seemingly no solution.
A man who spoons a woman wraps his top arm around her adjacent body. What he does with the bottom arm is a mystery that has plagued men since the dawn of men not leaving the room immediately after sex (approx. 1966).
A man who spoons has two awkward arm options.
1. He can slip his awkward arm under her neck, under her pillow, under his pillow, on his side or behind his back and endure cramping, numbness or pins and needles until she or the both of them fall asleep.
2. He can place a chloroform-soaked rag in her face upon entering the bed.
There you have it. Your awkward arm solutions are enduring pain to make her happy or committing a crime to ease your discomfort. You will find this is a choice that presents itself repeatedly over the course of any long-term relationship.
The real awkward arm solution, of course, is to hold her close, wait until she falls asleep, gently free your arm and roll away.
Curse in silence.
I found this image over at http://clurrforsure.tumblr.com/post/3026093915.