I have partnered with Alltop to provide another venue where people can find my work. Readers there are able to click a link that takes them directly to my posts. Currently I am at the bottom of Alltop’s Humor News Page, but with a little hard work, I think I can be the second or third-last site on the page. Alltop is a cool aggregator. Check it out. For no reason at all, this post contains a photo of Basement Horse.

This week on The Second Column podcast we are joined by comedy video makers Ilana Cohn-Sullivan and Liam Sullivan as we talk about the real Jersey Shore (which is a lot like the MTV Jersey Shore), Red Dog beer and the Batman-sex connection and we take a listen to music comedy from lesbian folk singer Susan Walker.

Download the show or listen to it directly at www.thesecondcolumn.com.

House Cat Attacks Bear - Watch more Funny Videos

I usually don’t have anything good to say about cats, on the podcast or in real life, but this bad-ass cat attacks a bear to protect this family. A bear! Thanks to this brave cat, felines have now risen one notch above raccoons in my book.

Here in California, gay activists are attempting to overturn a statewide ban on same-sex marriage. I know this because my gym is located in West Hollywood, which makes my gym the gayest building in one of the gayest neighborhoods in one of the gayest cities in the world. I have been hit on in the locker room twice even though 1.) I am not gay 2.) I am overweight 3.) I dress like I just rolled out of a hamper.

With activists asking me to sign petitions, an abundance of “Overturn Prop 8” signs in store windows and gay guys kissing in front of me while I am on the elliptical, I probably spend more time thinking about gay marriage than the average straight guy. After much thought, and a lot of pretending two guys the size of Ben Roethlisberger are not making out in front of me, I have decided to come out in favor of legalizing gay marriage. Why? Purely selfish reasons. All this surrounding gayness got me thinking and has led me to conclude that gay marriage is great for straight men.

Less pressure to marry
Because gays are barred from marrying each other, they are constantly pressuring your girlfriend to get married so they can live through her vicariously. Nothing is gayer than a wedding – the flowers, the cake, the totally gay centerpieces, the proclamations of love, etc. In a vacuum, homosexuals must manufacture weddings to satisfy their wedding lust. This is why your sweetheart hears, “So when are you guys getting married?” all the time from her gays. If they were allowed to marry, the gays would not have time to meddle in your love life. They would not have time for anything except planning and attending gay weddings.

Gay weddings will be good places to hook up
A wedding already is a good place to hook up. A gay wedding – where many of the guests are gay men – improves your odds tremendously. Same amount of ladies. Fewer straight dudes for the ladies to choose from. Also, the women will think you are progressive and liberal and all that crap because you are at a gay wedding, giving you a layer of credibility you do not deserve. Finally, if you have any game at all, the gays will steer single ladies your way, because that’s what drunken gays do for their friends.

Lesbian weddings
A lesbian wedding ceremony concludes with two women kissing. It would be gay not to want this.

Better school plays and music recitals
Gay marriages would, inevitably, lead to an increase in gay parents. That means more children of gays in the local school system. I will go out on a stereotypical limb and bet that the children of gays will be, on average, better artists than their peers. As a parent, someday you will have to sit through school plays and music recitals. Do you want to sit through complete crap like your dad did? Or would you rather be entertained by an adorable troupe of mini Neil Patrick Harrises?

Fewer gays at the gym
I am not anti-gay, but I am anti-waiting-for-the-elliptical. My gym is filled with gays – as are many gyms in large cities. Follow me on this. A married man is a man who no longer cares about his body. If that man is married to another married man who no longer cares about his body, I imagine their mutual laziness will create a cycle of sloth that leads to a national decrease in gym memberships, which would be great, mainly for me.

Do the right thing for straight men everywhere. Help overturn Prop 8!

This week The Second Column podcast welcomes comedian Chris Mosier as we talk about Sean’s run-in with an angry dad, some bathroom hijinks, and we perform two sketches written by Mosier. Also, there is a new aftermath sound effect and it is … well, it definitely is a thing that now exists.

Listen to the podcast on iTunes or at www.thesecondcolumn.com.